There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
My underwear smells like fireworks.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
