I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
