do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I would fuck him just for his dog
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
