We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
