Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
