Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
