You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
