How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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