There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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