South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
