She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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