i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
