Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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