All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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