I just cut my nipple shaving
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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