No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
His hands were made for my vagina.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
