last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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