I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
