if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
ok first of all what the fuck
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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