I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
