At least make sure they are 18
Why
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize