weddingsv make me drug and hornr
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
