i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
