I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I wish you could order shots online.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
