My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
