We're like a lot better than the average bears
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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