she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
