Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
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