....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
