sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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