sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
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