im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
