dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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