I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
