just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
