yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
