Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
