he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
