i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
