Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Randomize
