btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
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