Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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