it was like his penis was on wheels.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
