yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
