The maid of honor just puked.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
