your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
