Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 608 share tweet
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
