Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
