i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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