I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?