We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.