Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini