Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.