i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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