somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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