You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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