Already got asked if we're dating
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize