im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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