i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
