party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
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I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
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