Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
