Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
