she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
