Walk of Shame. In a state park.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
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