shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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