she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
