I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
