There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
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