GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
