i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
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