I don't usually arrange sex via text message
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
