I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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