ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
