when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
