We're like a lot better than the average bears
You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
